Spring Break Continues in Vienna

Dear readers, both those who are lovely and those who are having an off-day, and of course those who are never lovely (my particular favourite)
I hope everyone is well and getting ready to welcome me back to the homeland.  Its a national holiday right?? It definitely should get at least as much recognition as the royal wedding.  I would like to be transported from the airport in a minimum of 3 different cars (to spice it up, one carriage pulled by poodles, one hoover-craft (a variation of the more traditional hovercraft, but looks more like a giant vacuum, and stays on the ground), and because I am feeling particularly environmentally-conscious today one stretch hummer (in white... obviously).  Also, I think it would be appropriate if Sam donned Pippa's bridesmaid outfit for the occasion and darted around me pushing small children out of the way.  (You had better match her nimbleness, Samwise, no excuses). 
I know across the country, and especially the GTA people are already lining outside the airport trying to get a good seat to see the glorious return of Katie Sharp.  Drinks are being named after me, then toasted over for me, and then drunk copiously ALL FOR ME! Right? I surely hope so. 
Anyways let me take you to a far different time, when I was not about to come home, in fact I was far from any sort of home.  I was on Spring Break leaving one group of friends in Malaga to go to Vienna to meet Sarah Shulman. 
The day was Monday, April 11, 2011.  I successfully navigated by way from the Barcelona airport to the Vienna one (how did I do this you might ask? Well, wouldn't you like to know... I sat there and waited, and a nice man took me up into the sky, and I sat there, and then the nice man flew, straight-ish, to Vienna, while I still sat there, and then, the big climax, this nice man took me back onto the ground, and then I, wait for it, got up. Man oh man, it was a challenge). I found the hostel in Vienna where Sarah, who had arrived earlier in the day, was waiting, not in the room unfortunately, as she was arrived pre-check in time.

Our hostel room in Vienna, I think I can assuredly cross off maid from a list of potential occupations.  Once again, bed sheets got the better of me.

Sarah and I decided to head off into the town of Vienna, get a feel for our surroundings.  And let me tell you they were weird! Vienna might be one of the strangest places I have ever been too.  I know Prague is the city of Kafka, but I think he must have lived part-time in Vienna.  We were only there for a few short days and already we were oppressed by unnecessary and completely arbitrary rules and happenings.  In short Vienna and I did not get along. (To this day, yes this full month later, neither Sarah nor I can say the word Vienna without angrily spitting it out and raising a threatening fist to the sky).

Example number one of why Vienna is odd.  Sometimes the sidewalks disappear. And you are stranded on the side of busy road scaling the walls... Why Vienna, why??

For me personally, this photo sums up the spirit of Vienna.  Again it begs the question: Why? Why is there a scary looking dog-zebra mongel looking threateningly at me as I walk down the streets. 

On the plus side, it was the home of Mozart

First tourist stop: the Seccession building.  It was cool for me to see this building as I had just been studying in my architectural history class.  In fact, that is the exam I have coming up that I am currently NOT studying for. Wait unless you consider the very fact that I am writing about it now counts as studying? Loose justification? Good enough for me! Any ways let me transmit to you my study notes on this building, because I know you are all super jealous that I am in exams and you are not.  Heart-wrenching isn't it? This building is emblematic of the movement as a whole, in fact the architect consider it to be a physical manifesto of the movement.  They were primarily concerned with creating something new; something that was not vested in historical tradition.  They focused on purer geometrical forms in the designs of the buildings.  Clearly seen here with the beautiful golden dome and the rectangular shape of the building.  Surface decoration on the building is very fluid and whimsical.

I thought these turtles were adorable.

Sarah resting on the steps.

"To every age its art and to art its freedom"

Felt like I was taking the gifted exams all over again: What is missing from this photo?

Brahams and I had a moment.  I can play the (harp-like instrument..?) as well as any statue.  If I do look a little over-emotional in the process.

Reasons to dislike Vienna part 2.  After a long day of traveling and sight-seeing all Sarah and I wanted was a nice relaxing cocktail.  However, in Vienna, they do not sell cocktails on Mondays.  So confused about life in this moment, we decided to order Schnapps, as they are a Vienna-specialty. We were labouring under the false pretense that Schnapps were sweet and delicious. False.  The result we casually had a shot in the Otto Wagner's metro station, the Karlsplatz.  Just so unnecessary.

Karlplatz, a subway stop, was designed to represent Vienna's progress and modernity at the turn of the century.  It is covered in very typical seccession style surface decoration.

Otto Wagner's Majolica House.  This is very easy to miss, Sarah and I walked right past it the first time.  Unfortunately the street level is so unimpressive, just a tatty-old store front.  But from across the street the beauty is much more apparent.

What Sarah and I consider to be a healthy dinner.  Yoghurt, granola, fruit, and alcohol. (Good for the first bits though right mum?)  In fact those twirly straws are my only souvenir from Vienna.  Not weird.  Anyways Sarah and I got a little over excited at the prospect of the grocery store over near Karlsplatz (I personally blame the Schnapps shot).  So we decided to go grocery shopping very very very far from our hostel.  We went through the entire purchase, and did forgot to buy bags, so we had to carry all this stuff home (about a 7km walk) in our arms. Not only was it super embarrassing, nobody gives a dirty look that someone from Vienna, but it was also exhausting! My arms felt like they were going to fall off!!  But the good news is that we got our cocktails after all.  Nothing stands between me and my amaretto sours. Not even Vienna.

Why do you need to have a scale in the middle of the road Vienna?

This statue just resonated deeply with Sarah and I.  I think it is very emblematic of our relationship...

So we felt the need to recreate it. Obviously. No we had not been too long alone in each other's company away from others who say more moderate things like: do you really need to jump on all the furniture in the hotel room in order to recreate a photo?

This one also, felt like it was made for me.

This one was a little more challenging.  I was not prepared for Sarah's leap onto me.  Result... inhuman contortion on the floor. I still can't figure out whose foot that is!

But don't worry, on all the important things in life, I always try and try again.  I think the resemblance is uncanny.  I could definitely be entered into the remaking of Old Masters that was featured in Arrested Development.  Buster and I would make a fine time if you ask me.

I loved the tiling on the roofs of the churches.  So beautiful!

William and Kate are everywhere!

 The next day Sarah and I decided to go see the Spanish Riding school show in the morning.  It was a very surreal experience.  We didn't really know what we were getting into but we assumed we were going to see some sort of show or performance or really anything that would be entertaining to watch.  Again Vienna mislead us.  The chandelier was definitely the most interesting thing to watch in the building.  Except maybe the old ladies who were standing in front of us.   They decided mid-way through the non-show to get up and go.  Instead of asking the young folks sitting on the stairs to clear out, or more simply begin to violently wack them with their canes, what I would have done it that situation, till they moved, they decided to slip down to the lower level of the standing platform.  (Try to picture 3 stairs but on a huge level so that there was a considerable height between each level).  I never thought I would describe an old, and I mean very old, lady as slippery and slidey but that is the only way to put it! She slithered down to the next level like it was nobodies business.  She must be part snake or eel or something. Honestly, the only logical explanation. But back to my original story, we were at a riding show that consisted of very small men (no surprises there) in odd hats leading their horses through endless figure eight patterns.  That is the entire show.  Money well spent.

Sarah and I were very confused.  This photo got us into a quite a bit of trouble though.  Right after the flash went off, a very loud and very angry German voice (or at least I think it was angry, but most German sounds angry to me) started yelling at us over the loud speaker.  We looked around confused.  Suddenly no one else had their cameras out.  Then the voice switched to English and yelled directly at us.  It was rather mortifying.

You literally should feel like you saw the show at this point.  All their was to it.

At the Beleveldere Palace, waving like a Princess. Note on the outfit. Sarah and I went to the Opera that night but had so many things to do that we did not have enough time to go home to change. So we were forced to wear our evening finery all day long.  The result: 1. my feet were  very sore. 2. we attracted undesired attention to ourselves, including but not limited to a man dressed as the grim reaper, a construction worker who walked backwards looking at us for a very long time, and last but not least 2 old wrinkled teethless men in a car who slow-clapped as they drove slowly past us.  All very unsettling.

Walking up to the Upper Belvedere (where Gustav Klimt's famous painting The Kiss is held)

My deep connection with statues continues.

Sarah owning those steps.

 As I mentioned earlier, Sarah and I went to see one of the opera's in Wagner's ring cycle.  We could only afford standing tickets.  So we stood through a 5 hour long opera, watching the star-crossed love of Brunhilda and Siegfried.  Longest 5 hours of my life.  At least they had little computer screens that provided the English translation otherwise I wouldn't have made it out with my life.  Body would have gone into self-destruct mode from boredom.

Well I feel like that blog post was a very long anti-Vienna rant. That is probably because that is exactly what it is.  But good news, if you prefer my more cheery, (aka the entire purpose is to make everyone jealous blogs), then my next stop was Budapest. Otherwise known as the greatest place on earth.

Will write soon!
The Sheepish Traveler